When Things Get Different

arrow-159059_1280I'm experiencing a dip in mood today, so let me go ahead and tell you a little about that. I'm relatively well. Besides one crying spell this afternoon and apparent fatigue, I look pretty close to normal I think. I've been genuinely able to interact with my husband and children (and in-laws) without feeling overwhelmed. That's a big deal, turning away from the drive to be isolated.

I'm experiencing a dip in mood today.

It is my opinion that I am less creative when I'm in a low like I am now. It's harder to write. It's harder to focus. I play Bananagrams much slower than usual. I do still play though. I still write. And I also add other creative expressions that aren't as affected by how I feel. I do this without thinking about it. Today, the kids and I danced to a couple of fun songs. It's not too unusual for us to be dancing, but music and dancing when we have company is out-of-the-ordinary. I searched through my fabrics for a project to work on. It was nearly impossible to make the decision of which piece to tackle, but I puttered around with a couple of things.

Photo on 1-3-16 at 7.52 PMHere's a snapshot of my decision-making process. I open the ottoman where I keep the majority of my sewing supplies. It is filled to the brim with brand-new fabrics, years-old fabrics, sewing-projects-gone-wrong, and old clothing, as well as tools and elastics and such. I open the ottoman and look at nearly every unfinished project; this usually leaves me overwhelmed -- and the box gets a little rearranged. That's it. This time I'm not feeling overloaded. I can't clearly identify any particular feeling. I don't even think about every project. I also do somehow and cannot decide on one. Without considering them in any detail, I look into the over-full bin and know I'm never going to finish anything.

It's harder to write. It's harder to focus. I play Bananagrams much slower than usual. I do still play though.

Several times in the last few years, I've thought about giving up every hobby. I've considered getting rid of all of my fabrics and my sewing machine. I packed up all of my scrapbooking supplies. My paints are somewhere. My letter-writing materials somewhere else. One time I completely gave up writing. I thought I might never pick up my pen again.

STP62295I opened the ottoman because I was thinking, longingly about my long hair. (I explain what happened to my hair in a previous post.) It is something I cannot control. I have always worn head wraps though, and that I can control -- usually quite easily. So, after telling myself I'll never do anything worthwhile with these, I took out one of the yards I purchased a couple of months ago, and whipped up the wrap I planned to make then.

That is to say, I'm coping, and it's working well.

I tried another project too, but I'm not sure if it's going to turn out quite right. It's a tulle skirt for Charlotte. I didn't feel bad though -- I've never worked with tulle before. It is unusual for me to be so rational about that sort of thing. Must be the seroquel.

I'm exhausted. My dreams have been crazy-weird. My head hurts, and I don't want to be talked to as much as I am.

I'm also incredibly affectionate with my children, listening (or appearing like I'm listening) to everything they want to tell me. I've been sociable at church and while with others. That is to say, I'm coping, and it's working well.