Self-Care is Not What I Do

There are days that self care things are the hardest to do. I couldn't possibly take a shower every day, for instance. Time is not always the culprit. I just don't want to shower everyday.

Or brush my teeth. Sometimes it takes everything in me to go pick up the toothpaste tube.

And until you don't want to do anything, you don't realize how much wanting to do things matters. You spend your whole life doing what you want to do. Even when you're doing something you don't want to do, it's because you want to do it. I've only scratched the surface of what this means. A large chunk of my coping work is figuring out how to get myself to do things I deeply don't want to do -- all while quieting unreasonable wants. I do neither well, and that's very understated. Actually, I hardly do the second at all. Or maybe I do. I don't really know.

In any case, brushing my teeth is a victory.