I Can't Publish That Today

I wrote a post, or part of one, yesterday that I had planned to publish today as usual. I find, though, that I don't want to do that. It feels too close -- too much of myself exposed -- and more than I want to handle.

I didn't realize it at the time, but I was up late last night playing some game on my phone, only to avoid writing any more.

Today, I'm having a hard time putting one foot in front of the other. Every job seems impossibly large. In the quiet I find myself trying hard to feel sad. Unfortunately, out of necessity, my mood stabilizer is more effective than I'd prefer. At times I hate being so moderate.

I've kept my mind busy today, being careful not to be mentally idle for more than a minute. Watching TV while I do another load of dishes or grade a math test can slow me down a little, but it's negligible and is often far better than the alternative. I always feel like I should do more and do better. And it's true, I should. Still, I can say that God sees me watching The Twilight Zone while placing one pair of underwear after another in a pile, and I think he is pleased. I've got both feet right here in this world, and when I close the laptop lid and send the baskets upstairs with their owners, I'm still here.

Featured image: sbl0323 via Pixaby