A Hard Time

I'm having a hard time right now. I don't know what to call it; I just know something doesn't feel right. I'm trying to avoid thinking about it -- about myself -- but that isn't because it's helpful. It's because avoidance is what I naturally tend to do. TV, internet, travel ideas, crafts I might make. Anything to occupy.

I've been cleaning and organizing our home for the past week or two. Of course, I'm always cleaning and organizing our home, but right now, it's a special. There have been hours where I've cleaned with a frenzy, as though I have some sort of deadline to meet. Other times I feel like I'm dragging an anvil behind me. Some hours the world seems wide open with possibilities; I can do so much. And then by breakfast the next day, I realize I can't do anything, and what I do will soon be undone.

I am making significant progress, really, but whether I see it or not depends on the time of day. Still not doing so great with tracking. Ugh.

Right now, this is stability.